THE KING AND I

One fascinating part of my childhood was my relationship with my dad. As a child, a relationship with my dad was pretty much non-existent. Did I know him as my father? Yes! Did I know he loved me? Yes! Even though just like many dads in my part of the world, He was better at showing his love than vocalizing it.

As amazing as that was, the imbalance gradually turned him into just a fixer! Okay, let me explain that… Was my school fees due? Daddy will fix it! Did I need books or anything else? Daddy will fix it! Did I feel sick? Daddy will fix it. Daddy could fix pretty much anything that was not alright and that was it!

I did not bother to know my dad beyond his name, his job(s), schools attended,the obvious habits and character that were visible enough to my childish eyes. And so easily, I blamed my dad for our non-existent relationship – despite living in same house.

Fast forward to when I finally completed my first degree and got my first job, now that is where the interesting part begins. Slowly, I began to appreciate my dad’s concept of love – show love thrice as much as you say it!

I now had to “fix” some things I certainly took for granted, thanks to my Mr. Fix-It and then I realized it was not half as easy as my dad made it look. He fixed it or got someone to fix whatever the problem was like it was a piece of cake, I did not understand that sometimes (if not always), that meant putting his needs at the back burner so my siblings and I could be alright.

I gradually understood that daddy was not a workaholic because he did not feel like resting but because the extra hours brought in the little extra for the basic luxuries he wanted us to have.

Spending more time with my dad, discussing with him on many random things ranging general well being, to health, to work, our family and pretty much any other thing has helped me know and understand him better. It has helped give closure to the questions I had as a child and now as a young woman I am overwhelmed at how in no small measure He has shown me pure unadulterated love.

The relationship we have, now that we know each other better is exciting. As a child I looked forward to when he travelled so I can have my space and “do my thing” but now, when I know he’s coming home, I can’t wait to round off from work to go home. Those hours before my bed time where I just spend time with him recounting how my day went and pretty much filling him on everything he missed, is priceless! I would not trade that for anything.

Now, I do not just have a theoretical knowledge of how much my dad loves me and how much I love him, but in my heart and in my mind I truly feel the love and I am content!

Why this litany? Growing up, my mom always said, everything that happens in my life God let it happen for a reason and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, we will understand why soon enough.

I have had moments when I was lazy to pray, too busy to make out time to study my bible or just too sleepy to spend some time in His presence and lately all I can think about is, there was a time when you were so lazy to get to know your own dad and now you can’t shut up about him neither can you contain your excitement when you know you two are going to have some time together so who is benefiting out of this loving relationship you now have with your dad?

How did I get this point with my dad? Constant communication. Some times, I had to sit through and listen to conversations that (to be honest) I was absolutely uninterested in, but listening to how much he wanted to share with me, made it worthwhile and gradually, no conversation seems to be boring any more.

I’m still learning to push all things aside and place priority on my relationship with God – and I am aware this means I may have to wake up extra early to have that quiet moment I need with Jesus to start my day, or give up some unnecessary social engagements to have more time to study my bible, or give up some unhealthy friendships and habits or just take inventory of what stands in the way of my being a lot more focused on my walk with God and do my best to take out as much distraction as I can.

In the beginning, just like with my dad it may feel like you are making little or no progress at all but be assured that even the tiniest progress with God is good progress and better than giving up.

For every time you feel weary or simply insufficient  Philippians 3:12-14 is great encouragement:

¹²Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. ¹³Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, ¹⁴I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Love Always,

Sitamka.

 

NEW BEGINNINGS

Ever get that feeling where, you just wish you could wipe your slate, clean and start afresh?

Well, I have! And today, on my way home from work more than most days, I wished I could just go back to being maybe 5(years old) and then do quite a lot of things right.

And just then it hit me, now is as good a time as any to start again/afresh.

Oh no honey, no pills have yet been made to selectively rid your mind of the memories of mistakes made or even do anything close but every day you wake you have a chance to rewrite your story.

Before now, I thought every day was God’s way of saying start afresh but more than that, I think  it’s God’s way of saying you made some mistakes yesterday, those are behind you but here’s another 24hrs, make me proud sweetie.

How you make use of it, is up to you but be assured laying back and wishing does nothing  for the errors already made.

But if today, we trust God with our weakness and rely on him for strength to please him, and make our little consistent steps towards pleasing him, a few years from now we will realize that we indeed had the fresh start we wanted.
May today be the day you look back in your lifetime and smile in awe of God’s unending grace.

WELCOME TO 2017 …

Love Always,

Sitamka.

Dear Jesus…

When I woke up yesterday earlier than usual at 4.15am. I was excited that I would have enough time to organize myself, get my make up done and still be at the office in good time.

It was so easy to wake up and slip into my basic morning routine and yet I forgot the most important detail of all – a few minutes with the One who gifted me the breathe that woke me up.

I could have easily taken my time to pray and even study my bible before getting my feet off my bed to do anything else. Looking back now, I realize my biggest pitfall is allowing my feet touch the ground before we talk, because I know how badly addicted I am to my patterns, my plans.

Oh my! I do not know how you love me so passionately even when i do little or nothing to reciprocate a love so amazing.

After taking my time to “doll” myself up, I realized I was running late and then… I remembered to call you and still you came through for me and I got in on time.

Still, the routines did not stop there, I could have taken a few minutes to say thank you but no, I got to my desk and slipped into my “busy” morning routine at work. And just like that before I could say “Jack”, yet another day ended.

Another 24hours without even an hour with you. Another 24hours gone by without knowing what your plans for me within those hours were. Another 24hours without adequate gratitude for the love and blessings I enjoyed because you still call me yours. Yet, this morning I was presented with a clean slate, a fresh start, a symbol of renewed love in the form of the breathe of life!

How is it even possible to love someone so passionately?

Indeed, no one could ever love me like you do.

Thank you for not counting my wrongs against me but instead wrapping me with the warmth of a love I could never really explain nor deserve.

I am indeed privileged to call you Father.

 

Your Beloved little girl,

Sitamka

 

 

 

 

Dear Jesus…

I finally admit… I FEEL LOST!

In a world where everyone seems to know what to do, what the next step is and what the next move should be I feel lost.

Too often, I wonder if I’m on the right path, if I’m making the right move, if I’m doing what I ought to do right. And just then the vulnerability or do I say anxiety sneaks in and I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.

I couldn’t possibly explain this to someone and they fully understand what I mean. Even if I could, the fear of the unknown cripples the words before I can let them out.

And when I am overwhelmed with the thoughts in my quiet time, I ask myself could this possibly be part of the plan you spoke of when you said – I know the plans I have for you. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope? (Jeremiah. 29:11). Because, some days the bumps along the way are so rough I can barely hold myself back from worrying.

Dear Jesus, I know you have my life all figured out, but like a child anxious to find out what surprise the parents have for her, sometimes, my curiosity gets the best of me.

Sweet Lord, calm the storm within me and help me remember you will never leave nor forsake me.

Love Always,

Sitamka.

 

 

 

 

MOVE YOUR FEET…

Two days ago and the day before that, on my way to work i kept passing by a church billboard and the main thing that caught my attention was the day and time for their mid week services- Thursday 5.30p.m so, I thought to myself if I rushed out immediately after I closed form work I could totally meet up.

So, after a long day at work yesterday, I was super tired and I needed my “beloved” sleep but amidst the tiredness I could not silence that voice in my head that kept nudging me towards that service. I was not hurrying home to do anything besides sleep so I might as well just stop over at the church and enjoy the service – it was on my route home so I made up my mind to attend.

I got into the church about 20minutes before service started and I chose a convenient sit, just in case I decided to leave at any point in the service. I just sat observing the last minute preparations before the start of the service, and soon enough the service started.

I had never really attended any service there – well a Don Moen Concert, does not count- so I felt a little out of place but I caught up soon enough and was not so conscious of my environment.

When the choir got on stage and began worship ministration, I felt like i could not have chosen a better way to spend my evening. It was relieving to just sing on and on and on. And just when i was thankful for the amazing worship session and telling myself well, if nothing, that was a blessing – the preacher was introduced and he got on the stage.

I was captivated from the very first minute he got there till the last minute when he walked off the stage. I was literally pinned to my seat the whole time -absolutely enjoying myself. By the time he was done preaching, it was absolutely clear that God needed me to be there. I could not place why the urge to go there that evening was so strong but I am glad I responded to it. I was blessed being a part of that service and got the filling I did not even know I needed.

Sometimes, God will pull you take you out of your comfort zone  and require you to do something – could be anything  (big or small)- whatever that thing is DO IT! Because at times like that, there is an overflow of blessings, peace and satisfaction that comes with fulfilling a task that God has given to you.

Do not let anything or anyone stand in the way of you doing something that  God has expressly demanded of you, you may never know what you will miss but the bottom line still remains that you will be missing out on something you probably don’t know you even need.

It is my prayer that when the time comes for you to move your feet towards a task that God has given to you, that you will not hold back but you will give it your all and reap the immense benefits that come along with it.

God bless you.

Love Always,

Sitamka.

 

DEAR JESUS…

 

Dear Jesus,

It is easy to come to you when my hearts’ heavy with sadness, worries, hurt, and even loneliness only after I have been turned down or disappointed by those who I expected to fix my issues for me. It is so easy for me to remember you when i stay up at night thinking through the truck load of things that did not go as I hoped and planned they would (especially when I gave you no thought when those plans where being made). It is even easier, to call on you when I cry myself to sleep, overwhelmed with the sadness, the pain and the hurt that words could never describe because then only to do i realize that you alone see right through me.

I want to be able to talk to you just because I love you, and know you never get tired of hearing the tiny little details about my day or even my life but sometimes consciously and otherwise I let things and people take your place in my heart.

Teach me Lord that as much as you have promised never to leave nor forsake me, you never want me to leave your presence either. Help me to make conscious efforts to develop my communication as well as my overall relationship with you. Amen.

Love Always,

Sitamka.

 

NEW SERIES ALERT…

Prayer changes things…

During my time away, I had to battle  a lot with praying because, more often than not even though my heart was heavy with lots to say, I just couldn’t find the words to convey the words. I am pretty sure, a lot of people battle with moments like this.

In times like that where, spoken words fail me, written words make up for that.

So, I’ll be starting a new series – “DEAR JESUS”.

It is pretty much a compilation of thoughts that randomly cross our minds or even those we ponder on, in private time but can’t seem to pray about maybe because they seem too trivial, or too heavy or maybe even too random.

I hope it will be a blessing to someone and help you realize you are not alone in your struggle as well as give you courage to actually pray about any and every thing.

Love Always,

Sitamka.

RECONCILIATION

One of the hardest phases, we as Christians will ever have to deal with is reconciliation back to God right after we fall.

Have you ever dealt with the heaviness in your heart that comes from the guilt of knowing, once again you have failed God?

Have you ever dealt with the weight of having to wake up each morning –wanting to pray- but simply can’t because you cannot help but feel you are undeserving of His mercies?

Do you have those odd moments in your day when you want to say a quick prayer and then you remember you didn’t (or better still couldn’t) offer a prayer of gratitude when you woke up this morning and suddenly you are overwhelmed with more guilt and can’t pray?

Ever had an issue with our best friend and suddenly you rarely talk not because you hate each other but you “think” he/she is mad at you and vice versa. It just keeps prolonging the silence and until one person takes the bold step to talk to the other person, we simply keep carrying the weight on our shoulders.

We can totally relate with one, or more of these situations and more than anything God wants to bridge that gap in our communication.

You were not created to be infallible, where that the case there would be no need for the gift of God’s ONLY son, Jesus Christ to us. God freely gave us this gift as an assurance that nothing could be greater than His love for us.

Jesus Christ was sent to die for our sins, to be that bridge we need between our sins and the throne of mercy. By coming back to God through Jesus, we are cleansed by the blood He shed for us and wrapped by His mercies, making us blameless in the sight of God. God sent His son for us so we never have to be alone through any phase of our life – the blood of Jesus is our eternal assurance that God’s love for us will never fade, it is the seal that should serve as a constant reminder that nothing could separate us from the love of God.

Sometimes, being aware of the fact that God loves you is a piece of cake but accepting that absolutely nothing could separate you from His love could be the hard part. And that is the tricky part where the devil comes along and hits a replay button on all the bullet points that would otherwise have made you an unworthy recipient of God’s love and mercy (were it not a gift) but at those times, maybe you could be privileged to have a friend or just anyone at all hold your hands in prayer and remind you of God’s promises of His love and mercies, but some other times, when there is no one to lift you up in prayer, you have got to go down on your knees and Yes! The first few minutes may be a little slow and you may even have nothing to say as you may be overwhelmed by the reality of how much God is willing to forgive you just because He loves you.

Hang on there on your knees. Yes! Stay there. Embrace that gift. Let it soak every fiber of your being and immense you back into the warmth of God’s love.

By the way, if you don’t have the words, that’s okay, stay there in the silence allow Him speak to your heart. Nothing could be more liberating than feeling God’s presence envelop you and knowing that even before you set your knees to the ground His arms were wide open to receive you.

God loves you, He has not given up on you and never will. It is all on you to realize He is that lover that will not stop fighting until you come back to Him.

Today, is as good a day as any to get back on track with Him. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, so why not make today count? Why not unburden your heavy heart today?

Matthew 11:28:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”

Are you battling with the guilt of your sins?

Are you battling with the weight of the burden (of your sin) that you have been carrying around for a while?

Do you battle with the thoughts that your sins are unforgivable?

God has an amazing gift for you today – HIS LOVE, HIS FORGIVENESS, and HIS PEACE.

Before you tell yourself- “I’ll do this later”. Right now, take a moment form what you are doing and ask the Lord for the grace to receive His unending gift of forgiveness and the peace that accompanies it, as well as the grace to drop your guilt at the foot of the cross today.

 

PRAYER:

Father, I am thankful for the gift of Jesus Christ to be a sign of your eternal love for me.

I confess my sins today, and ask for the grace to fully receive the gift of your mercy and let go of the guilt as I embrace the rest that only you can give.

Thank you for restoring my faith and trust in you.

Amen.

PS:

Feel the relief? Yeah! That’s what if feels like when you hand it all over to God.

Have a fantastic day!

 

Love Always,

Sitamka.

 

BE STILL…

---

Sometimes, in a bid to distract ourselves from the things that bother us the most, we spend quality time being busy, doing absolutely nothing (nothing useful, I mean). But in the silence of our room (or even in just random quiet moments), we are faced with our biggest fears, worries and challenges and that’s where we are faced with the decision to wallow in worry or trust God.

Recently, I had to deal with some intense level of sadness over things I felt were going wrong in my life- or do I say, the things that were just not going as I would have liked them to. I spent so much time worrying, being sad and even crying about them, but nothing I did seemed to make me feel better.

I had to chat up one of my closest friends and I gladly “unburdened” telling her how I felt at a stand still and how things weren’t going well and all. After listening to me complain for a considerable length of time, she simply counted some things which in her opinion where a sign of some not-so-small progress. These were things I had sincerely overlooked but hearing someone tell me, made me feel thankful and helped relax my troubled heart.

Yes, there will be times when you can not seem to find the right words to pray (good thing is even when words fail us, God knows our hearts desires and feels our hurt)  and tears are the only way to let out that sadness or anger, or even sharing with a friend, family member, colleague or even pastor but the most important thing to remember, is God’s instruction to us when we are going through various storms in our lives – “PEACE,BE STILL”.

In a world where there is a lot of priority on being busy as opposed to making progress, it seems almost impossible to just “BE STILL”. I am not opposed to you doing what outrightly needs to be done, as even the bible says in James 2:20& 26 that “… faith without works is dead”. There are so many things about your life that you will never be able to take care of, no matter how hard you work- the reason being that, it is just not your job to fix it. Only God can fix those things, at those times, all you need do is BE STILL.

We may never be able to admit it to anyone else, but the feeling of just waiting (being still) scares us so much, we will rather be busy doing anything just so we do not have to be still. Stillness in our world sometimes could be interpreted as being stagnant or lacking progress. But you can be rest assured, when God calls you to stillness and you respond, you will make more progress than you could have made on your own.

God’s call to us today, is for us to trust Him with all our fears, worries, cares and burdens and just be still- Yes, just be still.
When you feel like your heart’s so heavy and you are overwhelmed with anxiety, in that moment, hard as it may be, remember God’s word to you- “Peace, be still”.
Yes, that loud voice in your head will be screaming for you to act, to do something but if you can remember the comforting words of Psalm 94:19 you will find some bit of calm. King David says in Psalm 94:19- “When doubt fills my mind, you give me hope and keep me of renewed cheer”.

PRAYER:

Father, thank you for the immense blessings you shower me with, day after day. Forgive my ingratitude, and teach me to count my blessings always. Today, whatever life throws my way, teach me to be still and know that you are the God who loves me and is constantly working towards bringing me to a predestined end. Amen.

WALK WITH ME

WALK WITH ME…
Source: http://www.google.com

Sitting and meditating on God’s goodness and grace which I have been able to experience first hand all through the years I’ve been blessed with on earth. Sometimes the thoughts alone are not even enough because a humans’ thinking capacity is simply not enough to quantify the greatness of God.

In the life of a Christian, everything is not always as rosy as we sometimes think it to be. There are several challenges that we are faced with that will surely shake the very foundation of our faith. That very foundation we built by spending countless hours in Sunday school, listening to different tapes and reading books from men of God. Just when we thought we could face any circumstance and stand strong in the midst of the storm, something comes to test our faith.
Suddenly we find ourselves questioning the very carefully outlined principles with which we programmed our mind and body to act whenever the storms of life come. Guess what? God still remains God, despite the hard times we go through and major challenges we face. As Christians sometimes we can all agree that the journey towards the mark of the high calling might be overbearing to a point where we feel we actually begin to question our faith, but when times like this come around, all Jesus is screaming out to you is Look at me! I am the Author and finisher of your faith (Hebrew 12.2).
Now what does an author mean? In simple English terms, an author is the writer or creator of a Story. In other words, God steers the direction of our faith and puts it in places where we will need it exactly, which means whenever we need faith to kill sin, Jesus steers our faith in the right Direction and gives us what we need to be able to handle that situation or any other situation. That being said, there is a special grace to handle every circumstance we find ourselves in.
Now Hebrew 12.2 also talks about Jesus being the finisher of our faith. It is common knowledge that not every author of a book gets to be the person to conclude it. Sometimes death or any other unforeseen circumstance can occur and hereby deter an author from finishing a story, which makes it possible for someone to be an author but not THE finisher. But when we have the creator of heaven and earth as the author of our faith you can be rest assured that he will bring everything to an expected end with a perfect finishing.
The Amplified version reads:
“Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the leader and the source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its’ Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection].
This is the type of faith that Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had when they refused to bow to the King and said “But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” The type of faith that makes you understand that your belief in the word of God is not only tied to physical manifestation, but relying solely on the word of God. A faith that has been finished by the testing and purifying by fire, which explains why Jesus was there with them as the fourth man in fire to establish the finishing of their faith having been brought to full maturity hallelujah!. Their faith had been tried, and brought to maturity when they decided to stick to God’s greatness and defy a great earthly King who could only but destroy their mortal flesh.
When a book is finished, the reader is expected to gain a full understanding and knowledge of the purpose to which the book was written for in the first place. This was and is the original plan of the author.
In our daily walk with God, we often times fall short and let go of all we held dearly unto at one point. We might have even been crucified in the Church, scorned by the very people we called family, but in all these trials God did not change from being the omnipotent God neither did he change from being the Almighty. He remained God.
This walk with God is not an easy one, because many great people have fallen short of the glory of God because of their lack of faith. They connected their belief and based it mainly on manifestation and miracles which means that when things are not showing or connecting as they desire, they immediately stop believing and start doubting God’s ability. The good thing is that during this walk with of faith with God, while we are taking baby steps God guides us throughout only and only if we are truly willing to give him full control and let him steer our faith himself instead of choosing the situations we need faith for and the ones we choose to handle ourselves.
** God is not too far away from you that he will not hear your cry. It does not matter how far you may have drifted away from faith in him, he is ever present to reconcile your faith in him. Give him a chance today. Be blessed.

Post by: Kio-Harry Stanley

For: Sitamka

---