One fascinating part of my childhood was my relationship with my dad. As a child, a relationship with my dad was pretty much non-existent. Did I know him as my father? Yes! Did I know he loved me? Yes! Even though just like many dads in my part of the world, He was better at showing his love than vocalizing it.
As amazing as that was, the imbalance gradually turned him into just a fixer! Okay, let me explain that… Was my school fees due? Daddy will fix it! Did I need books or anything else? Daddy will fix it! Did I feel sick? Daddy will fix it. Daddy could fix pretty much anything that was not alright and that was it!
I did not bother to know my dad beyond his name, his job(s), schools attended,the obvious habits and character that were visible enough to my childish eyes. And so easily, I blamed my dad for our non-existent relationship – despite living in same house.
Fast forward to when I finally completed my first degree and got my first job, now that is where the interesting part begins. Slowly, I began to appreciate my dad’s concept of love – show love thrice as much as you say it!
I now had to “fix” some things I certainly took for granted, thanks to my Mr. Fix-It and then I realized it was not half as easy as my dad made it look. He fixed it or got someone to fix whatever the problem was like it was a piece of cake, I did not understand that sometimes (if not always), that meant putting his needs at the back burner so my siblings and I could be alright.
I gradually understood that daddy was not a workaholic because he did not feel like resting but because the extra hours brought in the little extra for the basic luxuries he wanted us to have.
Spending more time with my dad, discussing with him on many random things ranging general well being, to health, to work, our family and pretty much any other thing has helped me know and understand him better. It has helped give closure to the questions I had as a child and now as a young woman I am overwhelmed at how in no small measure He has shown me pure unadulterated love.
The relationship we have, now that we know each other better is exciting. As a child I looked forward to when he travelled so I can have my space and “do my thing” but now, when I know he’s coming home, I can’t wait to round off from work to go home. Those hours before my bed time where I just spend time with him recounting how my day went and pretty much filling him on everything he missed, is priceless! I would not trade that for anything.
Now, I do not just have a theoretical knowledge of how much my dad loves me and how much I love him, but in my heart and in my mind I truly feel the love and I am content!
Why this litany? Growing up, my mom always said, everything that happens in my life God let it happen for a reason and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, we will understand why soon enough.
I have had moments when I was lazy to pray, too busy to make out time to study my bible or just too sleepy to spend some time in His presence and lately all I can think about is, there was a time when you were so lazy to get to know your own dad and now you can’t shut up about him neither can you contain your excitement when you know you two are going to have some time together so who is benefiting out of this loving relationship you now have with your dad?
How did I get this point with my dad? Constant communication. Some times, I had to sit through and listen to conversations that (to be honest) I was absolutely uninterested in, but listening to how much he wanted to share with me, made it worthwhile and gradually, no conversation seems to be boring any more.
I’m still learning to push all things aside and place priority on my relationship with God – and I am aware this means I may have to wake up extra early to have that quiet moment I need with Jesus to start my day, or give up some unnecessary social engagements to have more time to study my bible, or give up some unhealthy friendships and habits or just take inventory of what stands in the way of my being a lot more focused on my walk with God and do my best to take out as much distraction as I can.
In the beginning, just like with my dad it may feel like you are making little or no progress at all but be assured that even the tiniest progress with God is good progress and better than giving up.
For every time you feel weary or simply insufficient Philippians 3:12-14 is great encouragement:
12Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. 13Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Love Always,
Sitamka.
SITAMKA 